TL;DR: After 9 years in Chile, I thought moving to Spain would be easy. It wasn’t. I felt like a beginner again—struggling with Spanish accents, homesickness, and a tiny apartment. Perfectionism made it worse. The truth? Expat experience doesn’t protect you from the emotional cycles of moving abroad. Every new country brings new challenges, and that’s perfectly normal.
Prefer to listen instead of read? 🎧
Catch the full episode on your favorite platform:
👉 Listen on Spotify
👉 Listen on Apple Podcasts
Hey! Mary Martha here, M&M for short! Welcome back to “Your Best Life Abroad,” where we talk about the deeper side of living your best life abroad—not just the fluffy, highlight reel, but the real thing! Because it’s my belief that you do not deserve anything less.
My Spain Reality Check
So I’ve been in Spain for exactly two weeks now, and to be honest, it’s been a lot harder than I thought it would be. I’ve been living abroad for 9 years now, and I didn’t realize how being a long-term expat in one place would influence so much my move (even if temporary) to another place.
Home for a while now has been Chile versus the U.S., although I still go through some of those same challenges we all face of “where do I belong”? Not fully here nor there. But for the most part, home to me is in Chile.
Here’s what I was surprised by, where I felt like a beginner again, and the one P word that was getting in the way of me being present for this experience.
Three Things That Completely Caught Me Off Guard
1. Getting Adjusted to a New Accent and Way of Speaking Spanish
I’m fluent in Spanish, so I didn’t really consider this was going to be a thing—but people in Spain talk super fast and use a lot of different words, so I felt a bit caught off guard of like, “wait what?” Granted, it’s a lot easier compared to the first time when I had to learn Spanish from scratch in Chile, but still, I really assumed it wouldn’t be an issue at all because I spoke Spanish. But it’s quite different, and completely different than Spanish friends back in Chile, because Spanish is Chilean, not primarily from Spain.
2. How Much Being Away from My Home Affected Me
I love my home, and I can be a bit of a homebody. We downsized for this move and moved from a spacious 2-BR apartment to a small 1-BR apartment with a TINY kitchen. I definitely was surprised by how much my physical environment was going to affect my mental and emotional state.
Things that helped have been focusing on keeping the place clean and tidy, doing things I would do at home such as meal planning and prepping for the week (while still trying to incorporate new ingredients I discover at the supermarket). I’m going to get some flowers for the apartment later today, or maybe a small plant and a candle—just something to bring a little visual peace and sense of “home.”
Since my husband is on a temporary work assignment here, we can’t actually change anything about the rental, so I had a voice that said “it isn’t worth doing anything about because you’re not staying for long,” and this is a trap many expats fall into, especially when you’re there for a set time for work, or don’t know how long you’ll be there. But—how is it going to feel like home, be a sanctuary from the outside world, if you don’t treat it as such?
3. How Homesick I Felt the First Few Days
I haven’t felt that homesick since I first moved to Chile in 2016. I really didn’t expect it. And I think this is a surprise because as expats, we’re used to moving, and especially after the first leap leaving your home country, we think, oh “I’ve got this, I know how this is—I’ll be fine,” and I even had the same thought. But just because you’ve moved before and have expat experience doesn’t necessarily protect you from the emotional cycle of moving, which are:
- Honeymoon Phase
- Culture Shock
- Adjustment/Adaptation
- Acceptance/Assimilation
It’s kind of like being a public speaker—you can still get nervous before you go on stage; you just learn how to deal with them better. I’m just here initially for 3 months, so I’m experiencing these stages intensely and quickly. Initially, I resisted this, although I know logically this is normal and is just something that happens when we go through a big change. And this brings me to my last point:
The One P Word Getting in My Way: Perfectionism
The one P word that was getting in the way of me being present for this experience was perfectionism. I felt frustrated that I was homesick because I’ve lived abroad for so long, I’ve navigated these same challenges, I’ve done it all alone, and perfectionism was showing up big time. About how I was feeling homesick, that that “didn’t fit into my expectations for this experience” as an experienced expat, I felt like, oh, this doesn’t happen to “experienced expats.” And this was perfectionism talking.
The same for the little things like finding my way around the grocery store again, learning the nuances of Spanish from Spain vs. from Chile, and allowing myself to make a temporary home out of our current home base in Spain—and let it not be perfect.
Key Takeaways for Your Next Move
En fin, if you’re planning your next move, here’s something to take away: assuming that previous expat experience will make your next move easier is ignoring something really important:
The cycles of change when it comes to moving abroad (honeymoon, culture shock, adjustment/adaptation, acceptance/assimilation).
You’ve never lived in that country before—so there will be areas where you’ll be a “beginner” in living in that country again. You have experience though, so you can apply this and approach it with a bit more wisdom than the first or second time around.
You might feel homesick for your previous country. Allow this to happen. You’re allowed to both embrace this new chapter while mourning the end of the past one, especially missing the people and places that became “home” to you.
Lastly, perfectionism hits experienced expats harder—because the more experience you have, the more the voice of perfectionism tells you that “you shouldn’t feel this way,” “it should be easier,” “you should know how to do this by now,” etc. But you are STILL human, and life is still uncertain, and life in a new country will always find ways to surprise you. Perfectionism prevents you from being present for your current chapter, so let go a bit and lean into this messy and beautiful next chapter somewhere else. I’m right there with you.
Ready for Support?
If you’re reading this and thinking “wow, this sounds exactly like what I’m going through”—whether you’re navigating life after the honeymoon phase abroad, feeling stuck between cultures, or planning your next international move—I want you to know that you don’t have to figure this out alone.
I work with expats just like you who are ready to stop overthinking every decision, find their people, and build a life abroad that feels as good as it looks. If you’re tired of just surviving abroad and ready to actually thrive, I’d love to support you through this transition.
You can learn more about working with me here, or send me a message and let’s chat about how coaching can help you navigate this beautiful, messy expat journey with more confidence and less perfectionism.
Remember, your experience abroad doesn’t have to be perfect to be exactly what you need.
Be the first to comment