Navigating the Fear That Comes with Moving Abroad

True story: I almost didn’t move abroad because of fear.

But it didn’t “look” like fear.

It looked like “being practical” as I liked to put it at the time.

I remember it like it was yesterday. I was in my mom’s backyard just chatting with my mom and I was explaining to her that instead of moving to Chile like I had planned, it was probably a better idea to move from Milwaukee to Chicago first.

I explained in my perfectly reasonable explanation that it would make “more sense” to go from Milwaukee to Chicago, get some experience, and then move abroad.

Lucky for me, I had a mom who saw straight past my being practical moment and saw it for what it was.

I was in a big state of fear with the idea of actually moving abroad. 

Not just thinking about it, dreaming about it, making a vision board about it. But doing it.

She told me to not let fear be the thing that holds me back and to just go for it.

And honestly, if she wouldn’t have said that I’m not sure what I would’ve done.

This is why it’s sooo important to have tools in your toolbox to navigate the fear before moving abroad.

Lucky for you, I’ve grown leaps since then and here are my three tips to navigate fear before moving abroad!

Turn “What If” questions into “I Wonder” questions

Whenever you catch yourself asking yourself the dreaded “What If” questions that are most likely scenarios in your mind when things go horribly wrong, ask yourself “I Wonder” questions, AKA statements that invite curiosity into the equation.

How this helps…

“What If” questions are coming up because moving abroad is filled with uncertainty. You’re literally changing the entire environment of your life. Of course that stresses your brain out and causes fear, you’ve never lived in the country you’re moving to before.

I still remember how looking at Chilean phone numbers used to make me spiral into a zone of fear. They are so LONG! This silly little thing, that is just a phone number, was so unfamiliar. And it always made me feel so scared like OMG, I’m not even going to be able to understand the phone numbers, how much more will be different? 

We need to meet ourselves where we are, and our brain craves certainty and predictability. Oftentimes, that feels very safe. 

Which is why when we are intentionally moving abroad, it feels so scary because we are understanding that there is just so much that we don’t know, and of course this feels scary.

This is when it’s really common to ask ourselves these “what if” questions that may sound like….

“What if I fail?”

“What if I don’t find a place to live?”

“What if everyone hates me?”

“What if I hate it?”

Etc. etc. etc.

When we are asking ourselves these questions, and our minds are throwing these questions at us at lightspeed, let the mind be curious, but let’s introduce another way of looking at it.

You can say to yourself, okay I hear you. I get it, this is outside of our comfort zone.

I’m curious though….

I wonder how the weather will be.

I wonder where my best friend abroad will be from.

I wonder how the neighborhood I’ll live in will look.

I wonder what my new favorite food abroad will be.

I wonder how much I’ll grow and change, and how exciting that will be.

Etc. etc. etc.

We can’t put a muzzle on the what if thoughts, they will appear, but we CAN acknowledge it, greet it, say okay I hear you yes this is scary because it’s so new! But I also wonder what it will be like.

Curiosity with compassion goes a long way.

Focus on increasing feelings of safety instead of trying to decrease feelings of fear. 

Here’s the thing about fear. It’s there to keep us safe.

When you are in a state of fear, feeling very scared and maybe having lots of anxious, catastrophizing thoughts about what could go wrong – trying to decrease those thoughts of fear and feelings of fear just isn’t going to work.

Why is this?

Because our fear serves a purpose. It’s trying to keep us safe.

Instead, accept that you are in a state of fear. And get some clarity on what you need to feel safe in this move.

You are going to feel fear in this move, again, let’s remember that our brains like certainty and predictability and moving abroad, well, that’s not what this is (at least right now).

Safety might mean having a certain amount of money saved, so that if shit hits the fan, you have enough for a plane ticket home.

Safety might mean taking language classes to at least be able to order a coffee or heck, get a taxi from the airport to your place.

Safety might mean joining expat Facebook groups and setting up some coffee dates for your first weeks abroad. 

It could look like this or nothing like this, it really doesn’t matter. 

But it’s a need we all have and as uncertain as the circumstances are when we move abroad, there are always things within our control that we can do to increase our sense of safety during times of uncertainty.

When you’re feeling anxious, focus on increasing feelings of self-trust

What this means is increasing feelings of self-trust in your capability to figure things out.

In your ability to do hard things, grow, learn, and get through potentially lonely or challenging times.

Remind yourself of your WHY. 

Why are you doing this? 

Why do you want this? 

How will your future self thank you for what you’re doing now? 

This is a time where fear is big, it all feels so risky. Because, no risk, no reward. 

So you’ve got to have your own back before you actually have the tangible result of this great new life that is possible for you in another country.

TLDR: 

Here are my top three tips for navigating the fear that comes with moving abroad:

1: Whenever you ask yourself an unanswerable “what if?” question (what if I fail, what if it all goes wrong, etc.) ask yourself an “I wonder?” question. Your brain is coming up with the what if questions because there’s a lot of uncertainty in moving abroad. We can’t change that! But what you do have control over is how you go about that uncertainty. Asking yourself “I wonder” questions invites curiosity of what’s going to happen (I wonder what my new neighborhood will be like, I wonder who I’ll meet in my first week, etc.)

2: Focus on increasing feelings of safety instead of decreasing feelings of fear. Your brain is in a state of fear because the move is uncertain, so it doesn’t feel safe. Instead of trying to make yourself not feel afraid, focus on figuring out what you need in order to feel safe. This can look like moving abroad with a certain amount of money for an emergency plane ticket home, or having a trip with loved ones planned so you have something to look forward to, etc. 

3: When you’re feeling especially anxious, focus on creating feelings of self-trust. Anxiety also comes up because there are so many unknown factors with this move, and as our brains like predictability – this doesn’t feel so great. Instead of trying to immediately feel calm when you’re in an anxious state, focus on creating feelings of self-trust by reminding yourself of why you’re moving abroad, and journaling about all the hard and challenging things you’ve already been through. You don’t have all the answers, but you are capable of having your own back!

Are you ready to finally make the move abroad? Schedule a free consultation call to learn more about 1:1 coaching can help get you there!